The list in the image below (credit: Sharon Martin, LCSW) shows a trauma-based perspective of inter-relational behaviour signalling rigid or weeks boundaries. From the IFS lens, they are tactics used by protectors to prevent pain or push pain away when it is triggered. 

All that is well and good, you may say, but what can I do to improve things? You could sit with your parts, hear them out, understand them and appreciate them. When they are ready (read: when they trust you), they will allow you to see and help the vulnerable parts they protect, who carry the pain/trauma/intolerable beliefs. By healing the vulnerable parts and freeing up protectors, you will start relating to others from a healthier space and find it easier to set boundaries that don't keep people too far away or let people walk all over you. 

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